THINGS I HAVE LEARNED SINCE BECOMING A MUM OF BOYS

I love having my boys I honestly can't imagine having a girl but what have I learned since being a mum of boys?

You will have countless phone calls from their school where they have fallen over and bumped their head. 

- hes fine he was just running a little too fast so has a lovely lump attached to his head

Your bathroom floor will always be covered in pee (gross!) as will your toilet seat and anything in close range to the toilet. 

- Seriously boys pee closer to the toilet and look where you are pointing! Do they do handstands while closing their eyes when they have a wee?

You will get shot with a nerf gun at least 15 times a day

- Or maybe more, top tip don't buy one for your boyfriend as its double the pain and they are more child like than your children! 

Boys are really loving and are a lot more cuddly than girls!

- The saying mummy's boy isn't made up you know! They are the most loving, protective, cute and adorable little boys! I have never had so many cuddles and kisses before and I can't wait for it to continue. 

Expect loads of jokes about farting and poo!

- Mum you're a poo poo head, while squating down and doing loud fart noises boys are truly disgusting.

They never stop moving, seriously they are always on the go

- Mum watch me do a cart wheel over my bed and climb any wall that I ever did see, it is so much fun!

They come home covered in mud on a regular basis and your washing machine is always on the go

- Josh did you take a bath in the mud in school? No we were just seeing who could sink faster in the mud mum. Take your clothes off then Josh and put them in the machine for the fifth time…

They do not stop touching their male parts!! Even as babies as soon as they find it god help you! 

- Get your hand off your willy! Look what I can do mum its a gun *while pulling it in to all sorts of positions* GROSS you know it will fall off if you carry on!

Anything and everything can be and will be used as a gun 

- That innocent tub of pringles left on the side? It is now a gun and being shot at you from the other side of the kitchen. That goes for sticks, wrapping paper tubes, lego, their fingers the list is endless.

They have no fear and will give you a heart attack on numerous occasions 

- You need eyes in the back of your head, see that massive tree in the distance? They will climb up it without thinking twice. They will dive and roll off everything and anything and get in to so much mischief. 

You will turn into hulk hogan in 0.5 seconds

- Get practising your wrestling and fighting skills as you will need to be on top form. They can come at you at any time with a slam dunk to the floor and an elbow in the eye.

You will know every name of every super hero that ever existed

- Captain america, Hulk, Batman, Spider man, Thor, Superman, Superwoman, Iron man, Wolverine, Ninja turtles, Green arrow, Hawk eye, Cat women ok ok so the list really is massive but you want to know the rest? No problem just ask them! 

You say things you never thought you'd ever say 

-  'get captain america out of your pants'

'get that arrow out of your pants too' 

'don't pee on your brother'

'why are your pants on your head?'

'no mummy doesn't have a todger'

'get your foot out of your mouth'

'don't lick the TV screen'

'No you can't shoot the dog with a nerf gun'

'NO you must never ask someone why they are so small'

'Why are there cookies in my bath?'

Stepping on lego is the worst pain in the world

- When you have boys and they cover your house in lego, BEWARE of standing on it the pain is close to childbirth!!!

Always be cautious when changing a nappy 

- They will sprinkle you (or even themselves in the eye!) with wee. Honestly as soon as you take the dreaded nappy off it must send a message to their brain 'Pee all over mummy' The little thing shoots upwards and gets you right in the face, or if you are lucky they shoot themselves in the eye (yes this actually happens!)

They are very proud of their farts

-  'MUM did you hear that WOW' and even their poo's 'WOW MUM ITS SO BIG COME LOOK QUICK'

Mud and dirt can be so much fun 

- Invest in a pair of wellies you will need them! I have heard of mud baths being relaxing and good for your skin, but my boys think a mud bath is completely different! Aim shoot fire and I will be covered in mud from head to toe and look like I've been rolling around in it (ok maybe I have, my boys are having fun in the mud so I have an excuse!)   

They can be as hard as nails but as soft as butter

Your house will never be tidy again

They just don't listen

-  I can say JOSH come and sit down and eat your breakfast six times before he pipes up with 'sorry what did you say?' 'Honestly mum I never heard you shout 600 times I promise.

They won't care where you are if they need to pee they will pee 

- Pulling over on the side of the road just to let your son have a wee in the bushes will become a regular thing when you go for a drive somewhere.

Boys really are amazing and mine make me so ridiculously happy. People always say to me when are you going to try for a girl? I just love my boy life far too much and the cuddles and love they both give me is so amazing that I really couldn't ask for anything else. 

Mummy's boys really do exist and they are amazing.